Awake

Is anyone else finding it difficult to sleep right now?

Whew. It’s been at least a week full of restless nights here, filled with crazy dreams that have nothing to do with a respiratory virus, and everything to do with random bits and pieces of my past morphed into crazy, unrealistic storylines that don’t make a lick of sense once I wake up.

It’s 6 a.m. now, but I’ve been awake since 4ish. I heard one of the dogs pawing a door and jumped out of bed, horrified that we’d left someone outside all night. That wasn’t the case, the big girl just wanted to snuggle with the biggest kiddo, who keeps his door shut at night specifically to keep her OUT because she is a bed pig. But once I was awake, that was it, and even after Brian left for work and I had all the pillows to myself it still wasn’t enough to lure me back to sleep, so here I am.

With the global commotion and complete topsy-turvy of everyone’s “normal” lives, I’ve been searching for my own purpose in all of this – searching for my, “what-can-I-do-to-be-helpful-and-shine-God’s-Light” in this season of uncharted waters.

The answer has not yet been revealed to me, BUT, I do see how my sweet little family has been prepared for times such as these. Truly, we are prepared. Military life has conditioned us to be flexible and adaptable as life comes at us. Our previous years of homeschool life have prepared us for handling the announcement yesterday that Alabama public schools will finish the school year online. God led our family to this location and Brian to his current position in the civilian world, and he is still able to work and provide all that we need. We are believing and praying victory over this virus (and all illnesses), and have declared in Jesus’ name that it will not take root in our bodies. Our faith in God is keeping the world’s insistence of anxiety, fear, and terror away.

Of course, I have moments of what-ifs – I am human, imperfect and a sinner – but those are the moments I am praying to God, “Lord, take this _______ away from my mind and my heart, and fill it with Your goodness.” That’s what I’m praying in the middle of the night as I wake up from the nonsense dreams, but perhaps God is wanting more conversation with me in those times, that’s why the restlessness?

Perhaps.