I Want to Forget.

The memories of that day ten years ago when evil viciously and brazenly attacked and MURDERED nearly 3,000 people are still as surreal and painful to me now as they were then. I have cried numerous times throughout today watching the coverage and looking at photos, not even trying to hide it from the boys anymore, as I remember the images, sights, sounds, helplessness, and fear that hit us all with an unimaginable force that shattering Tuesday morning.

In this past decade one of the phrases to come out of the 9/11 terror attacks has been “Never Forget.” To be frank and honest, I want to forget.

Each year on this anniversary I have avoided anything that discussed what happened. Each time I see or hear anything linked to that day it makes me tear up. I want to forget the horrors of seeing that plane crash into the second tower on TV, forget hearing my boss say that our nation was under attack because my innocent mind simply could not fathom that fact on my own, forget spending the day in the command center watching the death over and over and over and over on the wall-sized monitors.

I especially want to forget being told I was going to New York to assist in the JIC, forget having to ask my supervisor to stop the car twice on our way there so that I could throw up because of the sheer overwhelming of it all, forget driving right by the Philadelphia airport and not seeing one plane in the sky, forget going to Ground Zero and smelling what I hope to NEVER smell again, and seeing the giant pile of destruction and staring at these microscopic things moving on that pile and realize they were PEOPLE looking for survivors, and I want to forget the sound of near silence all around us – no cars, no construction, no anything but hushed tones and muffled sobs.

Lord, please let me forget when I finally broke down and cried while at Ground Zero, when everyone suddenly and quietly lined up on each side of the street while a group of firefighters and a fire engine escorted the body of a firefighter that had just been recovered – one of a only a few bodies that ever was found. It was the first time in my life that I didn’t even try to hide that tears were streaming down my cheeks, because everyone else had tear-stained complexions too.

And let me forget taking all those horrors and emotions home with me and not dealing with them, instead trying to be “strong.” And please let me forget four months later finding out I was headed to Cuba to be in the JIC for the Al Qaida/Taliban detainees and how excited I was to see some sort of retribution for what THIS FILTH had done to us, only to find young boys, barely even teenagers, with arms and legs missing and heads bandaged and knowing right then that in a way, they were victims too – victims of the ignorance of a religion and culture not of love and compassion. Let me forget how I cried again for these “enemies” that night in my pillow.

Of course, I will never forget. But I fear that our country has, and that has opened up the door to a certain victory for that plot of evil.

Following the attacks, you could not go anywhere without seeing the American Flag flying proudly, or see and hear stories about strangers helping each other, and churches being full Sunday mornings. Sharing this devastation together truly joined us all in a UNITED States of America.

Now, a decade later, where are we?

It seems that our country is falling apart. Now more than ever a subtle evil is taking over. The mention of God in public is reduced every day.  It is more than ever acceptable (and in some cases encouraged) to be homosexual.  Want to pray in public? Unconstitutional. Want to be a Christian in public? Not happening. Want to send your child to a Christian School? Crazy religious nut. Adultery, murder, lying, idolism is glamorized in the media and television. Our country is distinctly and more than ever divided in politics, our economy is still in shambles, and everyone is pointing fingers at everyone else.

It makes me wonder if this was the plan of evil all along… that evil knew that it only took some time for us – a CHRISTIAN NATION – to fall on our backs instead of our knees.

I’m sick of the being afraid to be a Christian, and you know what, I’M NOT GOING TO FORGET! I’m not going to forget that GOD can make something good even out of something so horrific. I’m not going to forget the overwhelming love and support and compassion that people had for each other following the attacks – all over our nation. And I’m not going to forget how I turned to God with my questions… and my faith. And I still have FAITH that GOD can turn this mess around.

Now is the time for Christians to stand up, NOT FORGET, GET COURAGEOUS and TAKE BACK OUR NATION!!!!!